As a Life Coach whose niche is working with “Women of a Certain Age”, I am
consistently amazed that no matter the lifestyle, most women have the same
thoughts, feelings and insecurities. So if you’re thinking that you are somehow
“not getting it” let me give you some examples of problems that I hear.
“I have spent so much time making sure that everyone else is happy that I don’t
even know what makes me really happy.”
“My body is changing and I don’t like it. I look old… and I’m not!”
“I love my adult children, and I want them to live their own lives, but I want to feel
more connected to them.”
“When I was younger I wanted to be a ___________, and now that dream will
never happen.”
“I’ve never been ______ or I’ve always been _______ and I don’t have any idea
how to step out of my comfort zone.”
Sound familiar? I bet that you’ve said very similar things to yourself and I’m here
to tell you that it’s ALL a lie. Yep, big fat lies that you keep telling yourself and
you’re going to have so much regret when you’re looking back on your life if you
don’t step out of your own way and start telling yourself a different story! (And
yes, I was just shouting that!)
How on earth do you stop these thoughts from going through your head, and how
can you change it? Let me tell you how it works. First of all, when we are young
we are influenced by the behavior of the adults around us and we pick up social
and behavioral signals without even realizing it. We then mimic those behaviors in
order to conform to our environment. It is a way of self-protection. So, you are
normal, and you’re just repeating what you know… but you can change your
mindset and that is the trick to all of this.
Let’s look at each of these topics and I’ll tell you what I tell my clients.
If you have spent your time making sure everyone is happy and you aren’t sure of
what makes you happy, the first step is to understand that part of making other
people happy, really makes you happy! The next step is to spend some time
writing down all the things that you are grateful for. Then extend that feeling into
something that you get excited doing, or lose track of time doing. Next, stop
thinking and doing all the things that others think you “should” and start giving
yourself freedom to explore what makes you excited.
If the changes you see in your body don’t thrill you, well guess who has the ability
to change that? You do! Start eating better, get enough sleep, quit alcohol,
exercise, meditate, quit sugar, drink more water… the list goes on and on. Pick
one, watch yourself change for the better and then add another positive thing from
the list. Then take a good long look in the mirror and thank your beautiful body
for carrying your soul around for this long.
If you want to feel more connected to your children do something really radical…
tell them! Pick up the phone or get together with them and look them in the eye
and tell them that you adore the human beings that they are and you want to have a
terrific adult relationship with them. Tell them that you want to be released from
the stress of having to fix things in their lives and you just want to enjoy being with
them… like their friends get to. Honesty, and open communication is the answer
to everything. Sometimes it’s difficult, but it is worth it!
If your dream of becoming a ballerina or surgeon or circus clown seems out of
reach as a career, why not try something that will bring you closer to that dream?
Take a ballet class for adults, sit in as an observer in a surgery, be in a parade and
be a clown for a day! Stay connected to those childhood dreams.
Finally, just because you’ve always been an introvert, or an extrovert or a
vegetarian or whatever label you’ve given yourself, you have the ability to change
your mind! Just do it! Who cares what other people think! You are the only one
who is in charge of you and you are the only one who will feel the enormous
amount of regret at the end of your life if you don’t start living with the most
passion and conviction that you can! You have One Life, Make it Awesome!
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